Irrational Things I Wish of My Husband

Who’s that girl craning her neck out the front door, eyes eagerly searching for the first glimpse of Dad coming home from work? Oh, that’s me, his wife, nursing the baby. The toddler and the 5 year-old usually keep watch from the living room window. 

This scene often follows one of the sweetest sounds of my day: my husband’s train going by, indicating that he’ll be home soon. I count the seconds. The worst text I can receive in the evening after hours of being home alone with our kids is, “Missed the train. I’ll be on the next one.” I hang my head in despair and manage to reply a weak “OK.” When Friday night rolls around, I breathe a huge sigh of relief knowing that for two whole days someone else will be in the foxhole with me.

I know I sound desperate. By that time of day, I am, and you would be, too. With a toddler and/or baby constantly attached to me, there’s always so much more to do than I can physically manage. When my husband gets home I find myself wanting him to do everything else. I know that he just had a long day, too, and I know it’s irrational, but I want him to be my magician, because I don’t see how we can get all the cleaning, bathing, nursing, story-reading, and tucking-in done without magic. Unfortunately, my superpowers typically run out sometime after naps end.

My wishes become increasingly irrational when we need to accomplish a specific set of tasks in a finite amount of time. For example, Sunday morning our goal was to get the two older ones and me out of the house to church. I don't know how other families at church do it. Even in families with little kids, each member is clean, well-groomed and wearing matching, wrinkle-free, seasonally appropriate outfits with proper shoes, and they probably get there on time (but I really don't know for sure because we are always late). When my son and I go (Dad usually stays home with the little ones), it's a miracle if I've dried my hair, and I only have makeup on if I hit the red light on the way. Despite my best efforts to have my son wear either khakis or a collared shirt (I don't push for both; that's asking too much), he usually ends up wearing some mismatched combination of running pants, a tee shirt, and light-up sneakers.  He frequently has cream cheese on his face and toothpaste on his shirt. Nine times out of ten, he needs a haircut. And it takes everything my husband and I have in us to get the two of us there in that condition.

"Whoever wrote the song 'Easy like Sunday Morning' didn't take his kids to church on a regular basis." -Tim Hawkins

Such was the case last Sunday, but that morning we were under heightened pressure because the goal was for me to bring both older kids. As the clock ticked down, my mind spun with all the things that needed to get done before we could go, so I started making irrational wishes…

Here are some of the irrational things I often wish my husband could do:

1. Read my mind. Sometimes I don't even have the mental capacity to formulate the requests for things I want him to do for me. Too many words, too many kids, too little time. It would be so much easier if he had telepathy.

2. Brush my teeth so I can do something else. But even if he could brush my teeth, I suppose that wouldn't help me much because I would still need to be with my teeth at the bathroom sink instead of doing something else, somewhere else.

3. Do everything MY way. And I want him to just know what that means.

4. Pump my breast milk. Okay. There are some things I need to just do myself…

Despite my irrational wishes, I count my blessings because my husband is awesome and does a ton for us—even if it's not always done how I would do it. Though his laundry-folding techniques boggle my mind (picture t-shirts folded inside out…), I know that when I relinquish control of the laundry-folding, he folds it, and that means he gives me 10 minutes of my life back. If there’s anything parenting has taught me, it’s that it requires a team effort, so I am very grateful for all he does—even if it means I have to turn my son’s shirt right-side out before I can put it on!

--------

So what about you? Do you ever find yourself wishing your partner, or kids, could do things that are just impossible? Share your irrational wishes in the comments section.